Holy Mess, Whole Me

Somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself. If I’m being honest it probalby started back in high school when I had a huge shake up in my friend and support group. But the problem is I didn’t notice it at first. It happened quietly, piece by piece, as life got busy, heavy, and overwhelming. I moved to another town and began college, I met new people (including my future husband), got married, began a family, and life just moved along one step at a time. I poured myself into caring for everyone else — my family, my responsibilities, my community — and forgot that I was worth caring for, too. Maybe you’ve felt that way as well. Quick to give love, grace, and encouragement to others, but slow to extend even a fraction of that to yourself.

This is where my rebrand begins: learning to love me again. Or maybe even really for the first time.

Why We Lose Love for Ourselves

There are countless reasons we stop loving ourselves. Sometimes it’s trauma or heartbreak that whispers lies about our worth. Sometimes it’s guilt or shame over mistakes we’ve made. Other times it’s comparison — watching everyone else appear to thrive while we silently fall apart. And sometimes, it’s simply burnout. Even good things like serving, parenting, investing in marriage, or working toward big goals can leave us depleted if we never pause to refill.

But here’s the truth: God never asked us to forget ourselves. In fact, Jesus calls us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). If we neglect the “as yourself” part, the whole command falls apart. And I will be the first one to tell you, that little phrase “as yourself” is the one that trips me up all of the time.

God’s Invitation to Love Ourselves

It’s amazing how God speaks into our need to love ourselves the way he created and designed ups. The Bible reminds us again and again of our worth. Here are just a few examples:

• “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).
• “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
• “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).

Loving yourself isn’t prideful or selfish, even if culture tells us it is, especially as a mom. The truth is loving yourself is all about agreeing with God about who He created you to be. It’s stepping out of shame and into grace. It’s seeing yourself through His eyes — beloved, redeemed, and worth caring for. This is even more important for those of us who have openly made the decision to place all our faith and hope in Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

The Work of Relearning Self-Love

One of the biggest parts of the healing and therapy journey I am on is that I am discovering that learning to love myself again isn’t a one-time decision but a daily practice. Some days I wake up and feel on top of the world and ready to tackle any challenge life throws my way. My jeans fit right, my shirt makes me look and feel good, and my daily cup of tea is just right. Other days all I want to do is crawl back into bed and try again the next day. My clothes are either too loose or to tight, I burned the breakfast, and I’m hours behind schedule before my feet even hit the floor. But the truth is, there are things I can do to make it a little easier each day. Here are a few steps that are helping me:

1. Notice your inner voice. Ask yourself: would I speak this way to a friend? If not, why am I speaking it to myself?
2. Replace shame with truth. When negative thoughts creep in, respond with Scripture, prayer, or even a written reminder of God’s love.
3. Care for your whole self. Rest when you’re tired, nourish your body, create space for joy, and seek help when needed. Self-care is a form of worship.
4. Celebrate progress, not perfection. Growth is slow. Healing takes time. But every small step forward matters.

My Rebrand: Learning to Love Me Again

For me, this season of “rebrand” isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to who I already am in Christ. It’s about treating myself as someone loved, cherished, and redeemed — because that’s who God says I am. I’m focusing on getting healthy psysically through an intentional change in my diet and exercise, not necesasrily to lose a ton of weight (although I wouldn’t be mad about that!) but to simply be strong and healthy for my kids and husband. I am evaluating what I own and what I wear, asking myself in an intentional manner if what I am wearing makes me feel good about myself and the way I am presenting myself to the world, and I’m leaning into my spiritual health, especially as I begin this long season of dissertation project development. These are the the steps I’m taking, but what works for you might look different. No matter what it looks like to learn to love yourself, I invited you to join me on this journey.

A Final Word

If you’ve stopped loving yourself somewhere along the way, hear this: you are not broken beyond repair. My fantastic therepist keeps telling me this, so I guess I get to tell it to you too. God’s love is enough to rebuild, restore, and renew you. Learning to love yourself again won’t happen overnight, but it can start today — with one small act of grace.

Maybe it’s whispering to yourself, “I am loved.” Maybe it’s resting without guilt, shame, or personal perception of yourself. Maybe it’s opening your Bible and letting His words wash over your weary soul.

Wherever you begin, remember this: you are worth loving — because He first loved you!