Yesterday during the memorial for Charlie Kirk, America watched in awe as Erika Kirk stood before the world and publicly forgave the man who murdered her husband. Her words didn’t dismiss the pain, and they didn’t make light of the loss. Instead, they revealed something deeper: the supernatural strength that forgiveness requires.
In my own personal journey, on a much smaller scale, I have been battling my own need to forgive those who have wronged me. On an even different side of the coin, I have worked to forgive those who I felt wronged me but in their hearts they have felt they did nothing of the sort. It’s been a challenging world to live in.
Watching Erika, I was struck by how foreign forgiveness feels in a culture that thrives on outrage, retaliation, and canceling. Yet forgiveness is not optional for those of us who follow Jesus. It’s woven into the very fabric of our faith.
Why We Are Called to Forgive
Forgiveness isn’t about minimizing the offense or pretending the hurt doesn’t matter. Sometimes, we work too hard to drive in the “forgive and forget” mentality, focusing more on the “forget” than the “forgive” of that saying. However, Scripture makes it clear that forgiveness flows out of God’s own heart:
- “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
- Jesus’ words in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12)
- And perhaps the hardest to swallow: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)
We forgive not because the other person deserves it, but because God has already forgiven us. Forgiveness becomes an act of obedience, an echo of grace, and a release of the chains that bind our own hearts.
Why Forgiveness Matters for Us
Unforgiveness is heavy. It hardens our hearts, fuels bitterness, and slowly corrodes our ability to love others. It doesn’t just hurt the person who wronged us—it hurts us. It feeds the desire to see everyone and everything burn around us. And in truth, as obnoxiously cliche as it is, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer the effects.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is not about excusing sin but about entrusting justice to God. It creates space for healing, freedom, and peace. As Erika Kirk reminded us, forgiveness doesn’t erase pain, but it does open the door for God’s love to work in the most broken places. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary. Because as Erika said in her speech, “The answer to hate is not hate. It is love, just as it is described in the Gospels.”
Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time decision. Here are a few ways to begin:
1. Be honest about the hurt.
Pretending it didn’t hurt only delays healing. Name the wound before God. It is ok to do so. In fact, it is vital that honest acknowledgement takes place before the hurt can take deeper roots.
2. Remember how much you’ve been forgiven.
When we recognize the depth of God’s grace toward us, it becomes possible (though still difficult) to extend grace to others. Taking stock of all the things you have been forgiven for, over and over again, helps to bring things back into perspective.
3. Pray for the strength to release.
Forgiveness isn’t natural—it’s supernatural. Ask God to soften your heart, even if your prayer starts with resistance. It’s alright to not know what to say, or how to ask for that strength. Just taking time to say to God, “I am hurt and I am angry, help me know the steps to take to forgive.” is enough
4. Take small steps.
Forgiveness may not come all at once. Some days you may feel it; other days, bitterness may rise again. Each time, choose to release it back into God’s hands. A faith journey is just that, a journey, it is a life time not just a single moment, and that is just fine.
5. Seek support.
Talk it through with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. Forgiveness doesn’t mean isolation—it can be a journey walked in community. Seek out someone who will be loving, yet firm, in their support as you continue to process through the need to release the hurt and forgive those who have wronged you.
A Closing Word
Forgiveness is never easy. It’s often the hardest thing we’ll ever do. But it is also the most Christlike. When Jesus hung on the cross, His words were not of vengeance but of mercy: “Father, forgive them.”
If Erika Kirk can stand in her deepest valley and extend forgiveness, then maybe we, too, can take one small step toward releasing the hurts we’ve carried. Not because it’s easy, but because God is faithful to heal what feels impossible.
Going Deeper
What’s one hurt you’ve been carrying that God might be inviting you to release?
If you’d like help beginning the process, I created a free printable: “5 Prayers for the Journey of Forgiveness.” You can download it here.
Holy Mess, Whole Me 
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